Losing your virginity. A truly grand and firework-worthy moment that will change your life forever. Time to cut the shit, it’s not.
Call me the Virgin Marie, well at least you could have up until a couple of weeks ago. But just call me Marie.
I have recently lost my virginity. And drumroll… nope. There were no fireworks, literally or figuratively. Just a whole lot of ouch.
I’m here to let you know, to myth-bust if you will, a number of concepts you may have heard on the regular and consequently believed to be true. I now understand them to be some of the greatest lies of our young, millennial lives.
Here’s a little profile on me. I am 21 going on 22, completing my fourth year at uni and until recently, a virgin. I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago with my #tinderbae. I didn’t actually jump on Tinder specifically to have sex, despite this being the soul purpose the platform is commonly used for.
Losing my virginity was something that just naturally happened and I was happy to do it. I guess I just went with the flow. It didn’t feel like a bad thing having spur of the moment sex. Even making the statement: I’m a virgin out loud was, and I mean this for the first time in my life, easier said than done.
Myth-busting fact one: I thought it would be hard to tell my friends who are still virgins
I thought reporting back to them would be a huge deal, but it really wasn’t. I still felt like it was another Monday morning coffee date debrief about the weekend.
Myth-busting fact two: I don’t feel any different now that I’m no longer a virgin
People think it’s a life-changing thing and that you’re going to feel awakened or enlightened or something like that. There was no larger than life epiphany and my life is still exactly the same. I am still exactly the same. Post-sex that night, I went through Maccas drive-thru, got my nuggets and went straight to bed (or back to bed hehe).
Myth-busting face three: I don’t have an emotional attachment to my sexual partner
We’ve had sex a number of times now and if I was to be loved and left, I wouldn’t be sad or heartbroken in the slightest. I haven’t even replied to his texts and I don’t get excited when his name pops up on my screen.
Being a psychology student, I’ve learnt all about oxytocin and love hormones. So I was worried about having to deal with the drama of catching feelings. Even outside of the classroom, we’re always told that if you engage in sexual intercourse, there will be feelings to follow. Yes I was attracted enough to swipe right and to give my virginity to him. So why don’t I feel anything for him?
Myth-busting fact four: Losing your virginity to someone you met on Tinder is not a bad thing, so stop judging your friends
I couldn’t have asked for a better sex partner if I tried. Especially for my first time. He was understanding, guided me and gave me constant positive encouragement that I was doing well. In hindsight, if I didn’t tell him I was a virgin, the story would be completely different. What can I say, honesty really is the best policy.
Myth-busting fact five:Virgin and young adult are not mutually exclusive concepts
You can be 21 and still be a virgin. It’s not as uncommon as you probably think, or as weird as it may sound. I was just waiting for someone to have a conversation with and it happened to be my Tinder bae <3.
Sadly, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. I myself am also completely let down. Where are my feelings for my sexual partner? Why don’t I feel anything? Am I seriously the ice queen? Have I really gotten that good at being single that I’m only able to see my sexual partner as a means to give me pleasure and nothing else? Am I an exception to the rule? Will anyone ever be able to answer my questions? Who knows? I don’t.
Anyway, keep flicking through this mag. If anyone needs me I’ll just be over here waiting for my ‘love hormone’ to kick in.
Words by the Virgin Marie
Art by Khaw Ann Li
IG – @kech_k