Blue balls? Let me explain.

The testicles will eventually reach what feels like an implosion of cum.

What the fuck are blue balls? Well, before I fill you in, I want you to know it’s a real thing, it’s no urban myth. And a very painful real thing. Keyword: painful. Not that I have ever had blue balls because I have a vagina. But I’ve experienced blue balls second hand.

So maybe you’ve been blue balled. Maybe you’ve blue balled somebody else. Or maybe the only blue balls you’ve ever dealt with are the ones in punnets you buy from the supermarket.

Blue balls can be referred to more scientifically as testicular aching. There’s heaps of scientific evidence to prove that it’s legit. Not to mention the many, many pairs of testicles around the world that would approve its existence, if only they could.

How do you even get blue balls?

According to science, blue balls occur when a male has remained in a prolonged state of sexual arousal. If a penis is erect for an extended period of time, the testicles will eventually reach what feels like an implosion of cum. Voila, we have blue balls ladies and gentlemen.

Do the balls actually turn blue?

No. They can develop a blue-ish tinge, however they will not transform into a full-blown blue testicle.

Blue balls are a case that only occur once in a blue moon

Especially the extremely severe instances. They are quite uncommon, so consider your blue balls sighting a special occasion. You might never lay eyes on a pair again.

If someone blue balls in your presence, don’t guilt trip yourself

You weren’t to know this was going to happen. Unless you were being a kinky, little evil mastermind looking to do some harmless damage. Regardless, it’s no one’s fault. Nature works in mysterious ways.

Is there anything you can do to help?

No. Just don’t let him get anymore excited than he already is, or at this point, was. Because that equals more pain.

They can’t even do anything about it themselves

You have to let it run its course. No physical exercise or massage will reverse this penile agony. Unless you want to attempt to unclog the pipe. There’s also apparently various cures that can relieve the pain. However, they are not a guaranteed fix. Eventually the blood will drain from the penis and all will be back to normal. As the saying goes, time heals all.


Words by a tease.

Artwork by Lucie Cester.

IG: @elsicreations_

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