Blocked & Deleted

Words by: Dilshi Perera 
Art by: Gabrielle Poh 

Someone once asked me to list some of the greatest joys in life, and waking up and not thinking about them anymore is easily in my top 10 — aside from kissing in the rain and other main character-esque qualities. There’s no denying that breakups are one of THE MOST tumultuous journeys that a human can go through, but the process of healing and overcoming pain is monumental. 

So much so, I almost can’t put it into words, but in the case it might resonate with someone else, I’ll try. 

Let’s be real, when it comes to getting over someone there is no definitive ‘move’ that determines whether you are completely over them or not. You can take all the classic steps of getting over someone — deleting their number, spending every weekend screaming ‘Thank U, Next’ at the club, or jumping into another relationship — and yet still subsequently text them that you’re in love with them the next day.

For me personally, getting over someone comes in waves. I like to divide this emotional shit storm into three lovely stages: I love them, but I love myself more; familiar settings, unfamiliar emotions; and glow up and grow up

I Love Them, But I Love Myself More

This stage of getting over someone is the most painful, and usually happens fresh out of a breakup. 

This includes but is not limited to: 

  • blocking/deleting them off your phone
  • removing photos and memories
  • muting/unfollowing their friends 
  • putting away all of their belongings in a box with an encouraging yet firm label on it (e.g. ‘girl don’t do it’)
  • convincing yourself to stop stalking and analysing their Instagram 
  • and their Spotify  
  • and their Facebook  
  • and their mum’s Facebook (a different type of pain). 

Basically, once I got all the boo-hoos out and mustered the courage to start my much-needed detox, I began to realise how truly miserable and debilitating it was to constantly overanalyse an ex’s social media. The gripping thought that he might still be thinking of me plagued my daily existence, to the point where I was questioning whether that one vague caption was about me (spoiler alert: it wasn’t). 

This distasteful form of confirmation bias only reinforced the toxic ideals of him being “the one for me” and prevented me from truly moving on. Doing these baby steps allowed me to break the pattern, and put me a refreshing step closer to getting over him. This was an act of self-love that actively chose me and created a domino effect for continuous, healthy and liberating habits. 

Familiar Settings, Unfamiliar Emotions

This stage is all about being uncomfortable and embracing the growth that stems from a broken heart. This phase of getting over someone is formulated from taking that leap from being heartbroken to accepting that you can create new memories within old situations. 

This includes but is not limited to: 

  • being able to wear that one distinct piece of jewellery that they bought you 
  • listening to that one artist/album/song that was “yours”
  • being able to say their name and talk about your relationship (without your heart sinking)
  • going to an event where their friends/mutuals will be attending (big boss move)
  • going to places where you once went as a couple and feeling okay 
  • thinking less about them and the memories 
  • making new friends and starting new hobbies

This stage is generally a transition phase, which builds upon separating the emotions of your ex and the environment that fostered your relationship. This form of growth encourages you to shift into a place which accepts new opportunities and outcomes. Alexa, play ‘Miss Movin On’ by Fifth Harmony!

Grow Up and Glow Up

This stage is the epitome of bad bitch energy, and is pretty much the final step of getting over someone. This phase is all about living your best single life and being completely in love with the present reality that you’re living. Did someone say hot girl summer?

This includes but is not limited to: 

  • unblocking them on all social media (and not stalking them!)
  • waking up in the morning and not thinking about them anymore
  • accepting the fact that they’re in the past and that is okay 
  • being okay with them moving on 
  • wishing them only the best in life 
  • being grateful that they were a part of your journey 
  • having no resentment/hate towards them anymore 
  • embracing every aspect of your own life 
  • exploring other people and experiences (’cause the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right?) 

Despite all phases being equally important to the process of healing, this stage of getting over someone is definitely the most rewarding. Letting go of resentment and bitterness is top-tier queen shit and can allow you to fully move forward in your life. There is no better feeling than looking back on how bitter you used to be, and now only feeling gratitude and peace towards your ex. 

If you’re going through a breakup: firstly, I’m so sorry. Secondly, know that it is okay to feel all these stages and that growth is not always linear! I promise you, getting over them is closer than you think. 

And hey, before you know it, you’ll be able to say that getting over an ex is one of your greatest joys in life… (and reading this article, I hope). 

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