Men, Masculinity & a Sparkly Purple Vibrator

Words by Min Woo
Art by Callen Neasmith

Disclaimer: This article mainly focuses on heteronormative sex and does not encompass all sexualities and genders. Furthermore, the focus of this article is specifically on female sex aids and the relationship they have with the societal sexual expectations of men.

Sex can be messy, weird and often an all-round good time, but what happens when you throw sex toys into the mix? How does an inanimate $40 vibrating object have the power to impact the dynamic of your relationship, even beyond the bedroom?

It is no secret the contemporary cultural expectation is that men should be able to provide pleasure and an orgasm to their partner with just their penis and their penis alone. Vaginal intercourse has become the overwhelming norm in sex, so when women don’t achieve the earth shattering porno-like orgasms through PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex, many men may feel emasculated, and insecure about their sexual prowess. Due to this, introducing sex toys can pose a challenge. Their stereotypical connotation as a tool used to make up for a lacklustre sexual experience rather than enhancing an already pleasurable one doesn’t advocate for their cause either.

Overcoming the socially engrained stigma and taboo behind sex toys in the bedroom can be difficult to break through, but not impossible. As always in sex, open and honest communication about what both parties feel and want is always a good start.

Going to a sex toy store or browsing through a sex shop online is the perfect way to open up a dialogue about you and your partner’s likes, dislikes and boundaries to find what works best for the both of you. Moreover, reinforcing the fact that adding sex toys into the bedroom isn’t a replacement for something your partner lacks, goes a long way to easing any potential insecurities.

So much of society’s view of sex revolves around vaginal penetration that it limits the variety and types of pleasure people can experience in the bedroom. The reality is that penetrative sex is just not that reliable when trying to achieve orgasm. For many women, clitoral stimulation is the easiest and sometimes the only way to orgasm. This does not mean that vaginal sex is not pleasurable, but by adding clitoral stimulation through, for example, a vibrator, the sexual experience can be further enhanced. The addition of sex toys allows for a wider range of sexual experimentation which allows you to truly find what is most pleasurable for you and your partner(s), and at the end of the day, isn’t that what sex is all about?

So for men who are hesitant about using sex toys in the bedroom, a thing to remember is that sex toys are there to intensify your sexual experience with your partner(s) rather than replace it. Using a vibrator during sex does not mean your dick is not good enough! And I’m sorry but no one’s cockhead can vibrate at 6000rpm and if yours can, you might need to go see a doctor.

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