Navigating the waters of casual sex, one hookup at a time

Words by: Lizzie Tooth
Art by: Angelina Raisa

I couldn’t help but wonder, as I went to set up my Hinge profile for what felt like the 30th time in the past month, if I really wanted to dive back into this scene?

Back in the day, it seemed so simple. Curate a profile, swipe to my heart’s content, maybe even match with someone and go on a date. But now? It feels like I’m advertising myself to everyone in Melbourne, screaming – like what you see? Buy her a drink and get 100% off! 

For context, I’ve recently, yet painfully slowly, exited a long-term relationship. Meaning I’ve been thrown back into the dating pool like a skipping stone. While I’m not exactly in the mood to dive into a relationship anytime soon, I am eager to dip my toes in. And thus my problem arises. How does one get laid in Melbourne without selling one’s soul to online dating? 

I do have friends who have found love on these apps, and for that I am forever grateful. My friends who are still on the market, however, have varying relationships with these apps. Some have a roster of options, sleeping with regulars or going on gush-worthy dates every second week. While others remain swiping, treating it more like a game than a chance to find someone to keep them warm this winter. No matter how they’re engaging with the apps, one thing is clear: that’s where the casual hookup scene has shifted. 

Pre-relationship, hooking up seemed easier. I would casually splash around with people on nights out, one to get free drinks, and two to engage in a date or more later on. But now I find myself hesitant. I’ve been out of the pool so long that it feels like the strokes have changed. Is everyone looking for hook-ups on the apps now? Do I have to match to get a free drink? Or has something else changed? 

I’ll be the first to admit my past relationship left me feeling a bit seasick, so when I do go out nowadays, my heart isn’t fully in it. Realistically, I’m in the pool with five floaties on, a wetsuit and a pool noodle. I want to go swimming, but I don’t want to have to learn the strokes with a new person. I’m just treading water, hoping for someone to swim by and touch my leg like seaweed. So, I guess it’s not the apps or the dating pool that’s changed, but me. The question now is, how do I turn this article into an advice column for Melbourne’s hookup culture instead of a swimming lesson? 

For all those out there who want to participate in casual sex, here’s my advice: go for it. While there’s nothing wrong with the apps, if you don’t want to join them there are still plenty of ways for you to get out there. If you see someone attractive at the bar, gym, library, or your local cafe, approach them. It may not amount to anything, but there’s only ever one way to find out. For instance, I recently locked myself out, but to make the best out of a bad situation, I asked my locksmith out on a date. 

Yet, and this should go without saying, don’t be weird about it. Although I encourage going for what you want, you can do so while respecting other people’s boundaries. On that note, though, respect your own. I love swimming on my own and am happy with my technique. Not everyone can keep up or match my stroke, and that’s okay. You don’t need to go about changing your stroke for anyone; find someone who synchronises with yours.

So, I guess my advice to readers is that of a famous fishy friend, Dory, and to “Just Keep Swimming” your own way. Who knows, you might find yourself in the Olympics one day!