Words by:  Olivia Conder

Sex has always had a complicated relationship with women. We’re over-sexualised on the one hand and shamed on the other – like it’s out to get us.

We’re told to be desirable, but never ‘too much.’ Be sexy, but only in ways that are palatable. It’s exhausting. And honestly? It often feels like sexuality isn’t something we own, but something that happens to us.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. So, what does sexy really mean? 

For me, it’s about self-confidence, feeling grounded, content, powerful and alive.

The 12th of January 2025, was my first day at my internship. I woke up early, showered, did my hair, and added a little makeup. I then put on the outfit I’d planned the night before – black suit pants and a blazer with a light blue shirt. Nervously, I stepped through the doors, collected my name badge and then stepped into the elevator. As I punch in floor 11, I catch my reflection in the mirrored doors of the elevator.

It wasn’t about what I was wearing, it was about the purpose — my purpose. I looked strong. Like I knew what I was doing, even if I didn’t (yet). And in that moment, I felt it, that quiet kind of sexy that comes from feeling capable. The kind that starts on the inside and radiates out, escaping through a big grin, a strong posture and a bold, confident energy.

That was the moment I realised: there’s something powerful about finding the spark in the little things. Like standing barefoot on warm sand after a swim. Dancing in your bedroom, socks sliding on the floor. Sitting alone in a cafe, reading your favourite book. Or catching your reflection in a shop window and simply thinking – yeah, I like me.

We spend so much of our lives waiting to be given permission to feel sexy, waiting for the right moment, the right partner, the right lingerie. But sexy isn’t something you earn – it’s not a reward. It’s a feeling. And it can live in the most ordinary moments if we let it.

Yes, for those who want it, sex should feel good (obviously), but sexy? That’s yours, all the time! You don’t need validation, a mirror or someone else’s gaze. All you need to do is just let yourself be.