Writer: Marla Sommer Artist: Rini Pradhan
Once, I saw this TikTok that summed up some desires we all feel at one point or another. It made me realise that many of us are in the same position. That position, my friend, is not the infamous 69 or the fabled “committed relationship” — it’s the single life. But all of this shouldn’t matter because what you don’t see is the sheer power every individual has to live out this desire for themselves. And it has a name:
For some reason, we tread lightly around this topic. Its place in society is fragile and ever-questioned, but the truth is that pleasing yourself isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about creating a powerful safe space that’s designed by you and for you. Getting down and dirty is only half of the story; to suggest otherwise minimises the power of masturbation, and renders it something to feel ashamed about.
To rely on a partner to fulfil our sexual needs is to forfeit any control we have of our bodies and our innermost desires. From one human to another, your desire is valid; replenishing your body, be it with food, exercise or masturbation, is never something to feel guilty about.
If we rely too much on someone else, the ending might go something like this: we catch ourselves feeling lonely, not worthy or stuck in a loop. The good news? Vibrators are in, and you can finally claim back some of that main character energy (insert sparkle emoji).
This all brings me back to the TikTok I saw where someone was, dare I say, embarrassed to admit they had been masturbating during lockdown, when all they were doing was normal and human. Masturbation after all is the highest form of self gratification and should be enjoyed by everyone. So buy that vibrator because you’re in a committed relationship with yourself and it deserves some love.
I’ll leave you with this: if you’re reading this and you’ve masturbated during any of the lockdowns, casually raise your hand. Give yourself permission, because you’re more than allowed. In fact, there are no rules. Find comfort in pleasing yourself, and appreciate what you can do. Let these words become your affirmation, for you are worthy of self-love.