Words by Coby Renkin
Art by Lillian Busby
Whether it’s in a candle-lit room on freshly washed sheets, or in a dark alley behind a dingy club.
Whether you’ve known them your whole life, or a whole three minutes.
Whether it’s with the love of your life, or yourself (maybe they’re the same person).
Whether it’s your first time, or your 101st.
Whether you’re in love, or you’re just horny.
A one-night stand, or a one-year anniversary.
Society loves sex. And we love to talk about sex. But what actually is it?
Cambridge defines sexual intercourse as “physical activity between people involving sexual organs.” This is rather vague and honestly, rather unhelpful.
Other definitions get into the specifics; penetration? oral? The list goes on. Although, it’s blatantly obvious that exclusions are made, and certain communities are left out of these traditional descriptions.
Sure, the biology is important, and we should all be educated in safe-sex practices and the rest of the ins and outs (pardon the pun) your year seven P.E teacher warned you about. But what we’re talking about here is the fun, the pleasure and the excitement. We can define sex technically — the actual act, but can we define the experience as one thing? As the same for everyone?
I don’t think so.
What sex means to you is probably totally different to what sex means to your best-friend or your lecturer for that matter, and that’s okay.
Sex should be nothing other than exactly what you want it to be.
If that centres around passion and emotion, express it. Connection? Find it.
Spirituality? Embrace it.
Intimacy? Be vulnerable.
If sex to you means everything but the interlocking of your body with another’s; that’s totally your call.
If you want to be spanked, go for it. Dressed up? Absolutely.
Food play? Delicious.
Orgy? The more the merrier.
Role play? Yes Daddy.
Sex means different things to different people, and that’s okay — it doesn’t need a definition. Sex should make you feel sexy and however that may be is entirely up to you, whether you’re into BDSM, self-love, making love, or just a good old-fashioned fuck.
Let’s not overcomplicate it. Let’s not be bound by the expectations of others or a damned dictionary definition. Keep it consensual and keep it fun. Have sex the way that you want to.