Melbourne Overheard

Words by Khoo Wei Shawn
Art by Soda

Lonsdale Street, 12:00pm


Caulfield Station, 3:30pm

A man in an expensive three piece suit, shades on, sporting a backwards cap, riding a skateboard. The next second he ate shit, falling face first onto the pavement and shouted:  “Egg tarts!”

School basketball courts, 6:00pm

A father tries to convince his son to go home after a long game of basketball together. His son responded: “Are you tired or just bored again?”

Sandringham trainline, 9:30am

A female commuter: “I know this coffee place that is just AMAZING! I don’t know what it’s called but I know where it is… I think.”

Flinders St Station, 3:15pm

A charity worker tries to entice an Indian guy to donate to flood relief efforts in India.

The man asks: “Which part of India needs help?”

Charity worker: “Oh… uh… the… South.”

Man: “You guys should help the North, it floods there all the time.”

Southern Cross Station, 3:40pm

A woman: “Sally! Come back! I didn’t know you wouldn’t like it! Please…”

Thinking it was a huge breakup, people start to stare. It turns out it was a golden retriever bounding away angrily, leash tailing behind and fur dripping wet, after a visit to the dog spa.

On the bus at Huntingdale Station, 2:15pm

The bus next to us starts honking in morse code: “LUV U.”

My bus replied: “EW”

The other bus: “AW”

Oakleigh bus stop, 3:00pm

A bus driver: “What genres of movies do you like?”

A female commuter: “Terrorist movies.”

Myers, 5:50pm

A man: “I would like more padding for my crotch.”

DFO, 11:40am

A woman walks up to her husband while shopping: “Sorry, I’m still looking.”

The husband: “It’s okay, take your time. I’m married to you forever.”

Collins Street, 6:25pm


City coffee shop, 9:15am

A woman: “I would like a tall cup of coffee with milk and hazelnuts, extra cream.”

The barista: “So… a hazelnut latte?”

The woman: “No, black.”

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