Words by: Parisa Sarmady
Art by: Jennifer Chen
Like many, as of June 7, Charli XCX’s recent album ‘BRAT’ has been in my constant rotation. However, whilst listening to ‘Apple’ I found myself completely caught off guard.
I did not anticipate the way the lyrics would trigger self-reflection regarding my own relationship with my mum over the years.
Growing up, my mum and I couldn’t have been more different. Because of this, we were distant and had many, many, many arguments about everything big and small. This is mostly due to the fact that we couldn’t find a common communication style due to our generational differences. Thus, we never really understood what each other was really going through.
Especially as a teenager, I was very self-centred and I had a ‘the world revolves around me’ type of attitude. Yeah, it was definitely not a pleasant time, considering you also add hormonal mood swings and puberty to the mix. So, understandably, I didn’t really see my mum as an actual human being with issues of her own until my mid-late teens.
However, as we’ve both gotten older, this is no longer the case. It was only after I graduated high school in 2021 that we really got to work on our relationship and sorted our issues out.
In 2022 I was diagnosed with alopecia areata due to emotional stress and lost noticeable amounts of hair. This obviously hugely impacted my self-esteem at the time and forced me to open up my eyes to how I subconsciously and toxically bottle up my emotions. During this time, I learnt to emotionally open up to my mum. And by doing so I also allowed myself to reflect on why I’ve been engaging in this behaviour. Now, I still don’t have the answers myself, but being able to process these complex emotions with my mum by my side has made me realise we’re actually more alike than I thought.
Regarding the relationship we have today, yeah, we still have our squabbles, but they don’t get nasty and mean like they used to. We’re able to engage in personal conversations and actually try to understand where each other is coming from. She’s practically my bestie these days we’re inseparable. We always hang out, have fun chats and spill the tea together. I love how we can talk to each other about literally anything and everything now. In a way, I’m thankful for my alopecia areata, as it’s given me the opportunity to actually connect with my mum as an adult. I have so much respect for her and love her immensely. If you told 14-year-old me how close we would be today and that we’re able to communicate civilly, she would honestly not have believed you.
Like all relationships, it isn’t perfect, but every day presents itself as an opportunity. And really, it’s the imperfections that make it that much more special.
So, I guess, we worked it out on the remix?
Esperanto Magazine 
