Words by: Dayna Lim
Art by: Julia Park

Nothing reminds me of ageing quite like the way seven hours of sleep still does NOT suffice.

I note the way my hips dip and how the random hyperpigmentation spots have started to settle and feel right at home. It’s in the way that I crave the sunlight that streams in as an invasive yet welcome presence in the morning to wake up to. 

Despite it all, my twenties have been a rollercoaster of ushering in seemingly pubescent changes in my body and mind that my prepubescent self could never have envisioned. 

There’s so much rhetoric around our twenties that I have obsessively consumed over the years. Yet, now that I stand at the proverbial peak of the mountain (hi, mid-twenties), I can confidently admit that the biggest lesson has been to flow with these changes. I invite you to climb this mountain with me, as I delve into some of the inexplicable growths I’ve had to contend with a second time around. 

Mentally, I’ve started to change what I want to see my body in. The first time that puberty came around, I was preoccupied with donning a ‘trendy’ outfit. Ill-fitting or too cliché, it never stopped me, as long as I could express myself. However, when faced with round two of puberty, I now gravitate towards clothes fitting me, rather than me fitting them. In turn, I’ve learnt to embrace my body, curves or not, in a way I never used to. This has been a surprisingly empowering and beautiful mindset shift that my first puberty couldn’t provide.

Physically, I find myself losing my so-called baby fat. That’s such a misleading term when I mentally resonate with the figurative concept of being an overgrown baby. It has come in the form of my face transforming from my innocent, doe-eyed girl appearance into a more refined visage, reminiscent of the mature women around me. My buccal fat that I adore has gradually been taking its leave, leaving behind a satisfyingly bittersweet flavour in my heart; I guess I’m growing up like never before.   

My body also became more reactive. There’s no denying that we’re sustained by our body’s willpower to keep us going and, perhaps more importantly, what we choose to do to support or impede that process. I recall the time I sprained my ankle three years ago, and the pain still haunts me. The body holds memories just as our mind does. When there are fluctuations in my sleep, diet, or life habits, my body remembers it all. It has manifested in so many ways, such as getting serious period cramps that push me towards using a heating pad or needing to cut back on certain foods to let my gut settle. There’s intimacy and fondness I feel for and in my body more than ever before, and I’m certain it will only get more profoundly beautiful over time. 

Puberty coming around the second time has, on occasion, left me wondering if I ever knew my body and mind at all. There have been many times I have found myself wanting to tear my hair out of confusion. However, striving for radical acceptance of my draw in the genetic lottery and being grateful for what my body does to keep me alive has been oddly freeing. If anything, this version of puberty is a reminder of our continuous capacity to grow into our own. Fear not, we can hike this mountain together!