Words by: Anna Bearsley 
Interviewee: Aoife Bearsley - Educational and Developmental Registrar 
Art by: Tsambika Kozirakis

Growing up is rarely a straight path. It twists, turns, doubles back on itself, and sometimes leads to places we never expected.

Aoife Bearsley, an Educational and Developmental Registrar, has spent her life helping young people navigate these challenges. Her own journey has been just as full of lessons — about love, resilience, and the ever-changing meaning of growth. Here, she reflects on the milestones, missteps, and moments that have shaped her into who she is today.

What was your first experience of love — whether romantic, platonic, or self-love — and how did it shape the way you see relationships today?

“The first time I was absolutely in love reciprocally was in year twelve. We went out for most of the year, and in the end, he broke up with me because he needed to focus on his studies, and it, oh gosh, it took me a long time to recover. He, and his standards as a human, taught me to always go for the nice guy, the good guy, because he was [one] and the reason I was so shattered is because he was so wonderful. I have no regrets about it now, but that lesson was really clear. You can go for the super good-looking or the edgy guy — you can be all of that and also be just a stellar human being. I’ve been married to another stellar human being for 26 years.” 

As a Developmental Registrar, you’ve helped so many young people grow — what does growing mean to you now?

“Angst” 

[we laugh]

“There are a lot of angsty moments. There’s a part of me that thinks, ‘Oh, all that wasted time being anxious or worried. ’ But it’s not, because it’s all learning. And it’s made me who I am now.”

How has your own understanding of growth changed over the years?

“The single most valuable thing I’ve learned about growth over the years is that success is rarely linear. It’s up and down and sideways; it’s all over the place. It’s not measured in binary terms. It’s not always measured by a resume or tangible moments of success. It’s more about how we feel.”

Was there a moment in your life where you felt like you truly ‘grew up’? Or does growing up feel more like a never-ending process?

“The latter, definitely. I can’t pinpoint one moment where I felt like a proper grown-up because there are so many moments where I’ve gone, ‘Oh wow, okay. Time to put on my big girl pants and get on with it because the buck stops with me.’ When you have a little person in your arms that you are responsible for and you literally have no idea what you’re doing, that’s when you go ‘Right. It’s all on me now to raise this little person and love this little person, and we better get it right.’ So that probably was when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I’m a proper grown-up.”

Who was the first person who truly believed in you?

“My parents’ belief in me has been unfailing for 52 years. I’m profoundly grateful for that — there is no better start. They’re divorced, and they did so beautifully and amicably, for which I’m incredibly grateful; they’re still really good mates. I’ve received nothing but love, support and care. And, at times, a kick in the butt when I needed it, metaphorically, of course. It wasn’t even tough, it was just real: ‘This is your situation. These are your options. We’re here for you, we love you, but you’ve got to figure this out.’ So yeah, my parents.”

If you could go back and give advice to your younger self, what would you say?

“I always, and I will always, care what people think of me. I will. That’s just how I roll, I think. If you don’t, then you’re possibly a little selfish, or not,maybe not aware of your impact on others. What I would say to my younger self is: maybe don’t care quite so much. And don’t ever dumb or dull yourself for fear of how you will be received by others. If you are kind and you are thoughtful, and you’re also being your shiny self, then that’s great.”

What do you think people misunderstand most about growing older?

“That it can be slowed down, it can be stopped, it can be held off with injections or liposuction or war paint; the physicality of it is inevitable. The heart part isn’t.”

Is there a moment in your life when you thought you had everything figured out?

“No. Never. And that’s good! A —  if I’ve got nothing left to learn, I’m an absolute pain in the ass, no one’s gonna talk to me. Who wants to talk to someone who knows everything about everything? And B — we never stop learning.”

What’s one lesson about resilience or growth that you try to pass on to the clients you work with?

“I think one of the biggest problems that people with mental health issues have, particularly young people, is rumination. Going over and over and over things in their head, trying to get answers for things that there aren’t answers to — or for things that are actually outside of their locus of control. That is absolutely maddening. That’s the rabbit hole, and down the rabbit hole is nothing but more dark tunnels and lots more rabbits. You need to stay out of the rabbit hole. And sometimes just give things space to unfold. The answers will arrive, they’re just not there yet.”

So, instead of bracing against the next twist in the road, take a page from Aoife’s story — welcome growth into the passenger seat, trust that you don’t need all the answers, and enjoy the ride.