Words by: Alice O'Brien
Art by: Dora Chung

Now, don’t freak out when you see the word ‘bitch’. 

If you told me one year ago that I would be calling myself a bitch… well I simply wouldn’t believe you. My 2023 self would have used the words ‘kind’, ‘friendly’ or ‘helpful’ to describe herself (very humble Alice), but the word ‘bitch’ would be 1000 miles away. 

Alas, here I am in 2024 using the b-word to describe who I am. 

Why?

Why would I choose to call myself a bitch in this very public manner? 

As a nearly 22-year-old (shudder… I feel my knees cracking and hairs greying), I’ve lived most of my life basically doing anything to get people to like me. It’s such an embarrassing thing to write and admit, but it’s true. I am a people pleaser.

As the end of 2023 approached, I realised this may not be the best way to live my life. So, I decided a change was needed. 

Change.

Six letters. One terrifying word. 

I hate change. Change can shove itself inside a cardboard box and be tossed out the window then run over by a car.

But as the annoying quote goes ‘you don’t change if nothing changes’… or something like that. 

So, 2024 became my year of change and introspection: 

One. I want people to like me. In my head, going out of my way to do things for others will make people like me more (talk about a girl that needs to go to therapy). 

Two. If I took time for myself instead of helping a friend or saying ‘no’ to them, I would be selfish. And I don’t want to be viewed as selfish (again, this girl needs to go to therapy).

Three. I finally went to therapy. 

Crazy thing – therapy helps.

Suddenly the words ‘bitch’ and ‘self-love’ started to become more intertwined. Putting these words in the same sentence was odd to me at the time, but now makes complete sense. 

You see, choosing to spend my time doing something I want to do instead of doing something with or for someone else, was me being a bitch in my head. It could have been something as small as saying ‘no’ to watching a movie with a friend because I knew I didn’t like the movie or saying ‘no’ to driving a friend to the airport because I needed to study. If I said ‘no’, I was a bitch. 

But, as the year went on and my therapist started explaining the need to create non-guilt boundaries, these acts I deemed as bitchy slowly became acts of self-care.

News flash, 2023 Alice! My friends were not going to drop me simply because I said ‘no’ to watching a movie with them or not driving them to the airport one time. 

And as I started to realise the importance of taking time for myself and creating boundaries, the more I began to feel freer.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to spend time on yourself rather than with or for people, whether it’s reading a book, blocking off time to study or watching a movie you know you’d enjoy – it’s not selfish and it’s not you being a bitch. 

So, to my 2023 self who feared the word ‘bitch’, I’d say to her, 2024 is the year you became one. 

But you’ll love that you did because actually, you’re not a bitch at all.