Words and Art by: Anonymous

Much like the sexually active teens from Netflix’s reboot of ‘Heartbreak High’, I too have made some interesting willy-nilly choices in my youth. In hindsight, these horny choices might seem regrettable, but now I have some entertaining stories to tell. So, I guess there are positives to everything!

Bush Banging

Let me set the scene. I am at a close friend’s 18th birthday held on their family’s farm. We all had tents pitched across the field where we would eventually go to bed. As the party progressed, this guy, let’s call him Farmer, and I started flirting. When things start getting heated we head over to the campsite. Farmer’s friend was already asleep in their tent so, like the logical teens we were, we determined that the next best option was in the very open field right next to the campsite. As Farmer ‘ploughed my field’ the voices of other partygoers heading to bed drifted past. To top it all off, I was helping my friend move across the state the next day and upon arrival, I found excessive amounts of grass tangled in my hair.

Dirty Dancing

Following some hot and heavy moves on the crowded club floor, my dance partner and I wanted to head somewhere more private. Our choice? The men’s toilet. Amidst the sounds of drunk patrons commenting on our very public (toilet) display of affection filtering through the cubicle door, I realised I didn’t even know his name. However, it was clear he was a fantastic dancer, both on and off the dance floor. So much so that after getting a drink together (where I learnt his name) we attempted to return to the same cubicle for more. Unfortunately for us though, our friends intercepted us, so extra dirty dancing was limited to the designated, much more public and illuminated club floor.

State Porno Victoria

After yet another late-night dancing, I decided to head back with a guy I had been chatting up for a while. We’ll call him Stache, cause of his wicked moustache. Before we could do the deed we had to walk his friend, codename Pimp, home. During said trek, we stopped at the State Library of Victoria, where Pimp deemed it the greatest time to show us his two favourite pornos. That wasn’t enough to deter me though because we ended up back at Pimp’s place where he proceeded to show us porn he filmed of himself prior. Obviously, at that point, I was questioning some of my life choices. I still ended up getting with Stache though, it just wasn’t till 7 am.

Evidently, past me had a huge ‘do it for the plot’ mindset and whilst these moments may not have been my finest, they certainly led to some great stories. So, if the producers of ‘Heartbreak High’ are on the lookout for some new talent or inspiration, I’m your gal!