Words by: Anonymous
Art by: Gina Day

“It’s a superpower”, they say.

“No it’s not,” some of us reply.

At the current stage in my journey, I would argue on the side of both. It’s simultaneously a disability… and a superpower.

I could recount the endless lows of my time blindness. I don’t think I’ve caught a train on time since the start of the year. Month long projects get crammed into a mere two sleepless, sunlight deprived days.

It’s almost comical the way I’m repeatedly surprised when my disability actually disables me. How dare that adorable manic-pixie-dream-girl spark debilitate my executive functioning?!

But sometimes, just sometimes, I get to revel in the traits that make a moment, an urge, a sensation, all-encompassing.

Sex is one such moment. Sex is the kind of stimulus my neurodivergence loves. An indulgence where I’m given permission to flip the switch, to detach from my sticky, incoherent, tangled web of thoughts.

ADHD is often driven by sensation seeking and is prone to hypersensitivity, both physically and emotionally. This can lead to overwhelm in uncontrolled environments, but in the privacy of a bedroom, it can become a playground for the senses.

During sex, focusing on nothing but the texture, the temperature, the feeling of each centimetre of skin passing under my fingers at a time turns my hyper-fixation into a strength. Time blindness is merely absorption in the present. It enables me, in comfortable circumstances, to give in almost completely to my body.

In everyday executive functioning where my priorities are disproportionately skewed by dopamine, my gut isn’t something I can rely on. The constant grasp at new stimuli is difficult to balance and leads to a juggling act of commitments crammed into every seven day cycle. Logistical juggling has never been a strength of mine, but if fumbling was a talent I’d have the Olympic Gold! Yet, when the number one priority of an experience is what feels the most pleasurable, there is nothing more useful than a dopamine addicted instinct.

The pull towards new experiences exercises the boundaries of my comfort zone like a rubber band, keeping it always warm and limber. If I trust my partner, there’s almost nothing I won’t try once. So, I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for the many sensations and dynamics that would otherwise have remained undiscovered.

The release of being tied up and (willingly) forced to focus on my pleasure alone, the shared and freeing joy of polyamory, the comfort of binding down another to explore and give to them inch by inch without interruption. I’m grateful for the adventurous and sensual pleasures it has opened my world up to, and for all the ones I am yet to discover.

Sex and its dedication to pleasure creates a space where my ADHD can thrive. A place where I realise my ‘diverse’ brain structure can hold a dual presence in my life. It marks my ultimate character flaws, and it enables sensation to a depth that only keeps expanding.