Words by: Sreemoyee Banerjee

There have been days where I’ve felt sexy and wanted to ‘do the deed’, but not only was I painfully single,
I didn’t have access to hookup sites either.

For the longest time, I had no idea how to get down on myself and believed that I needed a partner to feel good. Little did I know, a single steamy night all on my lonesome would change my entire perspective — I could be my own partner.

As sex coach Gigi Engle said, “your solo sessions are as, if not more, important as partnered sessions.” Getting in the mood when you’re alone not only enhances your self-love, but also makes you feel confident in your own skin. And honestly, who would know every edge of your body, and what makes you feel good, better than you?

Here are a few tips for getting spicy when you’re alone:

1— Set the scene.

Get the lavender candles out. Draw those blinds closed (or apart, whichever makes you feel sexier). Dim the lights. Play your favourite playlist. The first step to getting in the mood is assuring that the space you’re in makes you feel comfortable, safe and sexy. To do this, pick out what makes you feel aroused. For example, certain smells like pumpkin, lavender, and licorice (‘Scentsational Sex’ by Dr. Alan Hirsch) heighten blood flow to the genital area. Creating the right environment sets the scene for you to get in the mood and let your brain wander off to unchartered territories.

2 — Try out toys.

Sex toys are your best friends when your fingers get tired or you want to relax and let something else do the work. They might seem daunting at first, but they’re really exciting once you get to explore them and figure out which one you prefer. Vibrators are absolute classics regardless of gender, and they get you feeling tingles when you’re alone. But if you want to switch it up, try out a butt plug, a dildo, a rabbit vibrator, or even a massage wand! If you don’t want to make that investment just yet, there’s always the option of stimulating yourself by spraying your clitoris with a shower-head or rubbing yourself against something soft (like a pillow!). The only aim of the game is to make yourself feel fantastic.

3 — Switch up your positions.

Sure, missionary is great and you can lie down and relax while your fingers and your magic wand do the tricks. But you can definitely switch it up once in a while! If you enjoy penetration, try riding on your dildo by placing it down on the bed and lowering yourself onto it. You can even try leaning back against a wall and touching yourself — anything that works for your body and makes you feel sexy is the way to go.

4 — Pull that stimulating aid out.

They say that the thinking mind is best controlled by the imagination. Put this to use — imagine a sexual fantasy that you’ve always dreamt of, or that you’re getting spicy with someone to-die-for. This will definitely allow you to set the scene and melt into your arousal. You can even choose an external stimulating aid — I’m talking porn, smut, or even steamy songs on your preferred music app. Aids allow you to get your imagination up and running, and can be amazing additions to your solo sessions.

5 — Take your time.

Perhaps the most important tip of them all — take your time to get in the mood. Sometimes it can take a while to understand yourself and what you like best. Exploring and discovering your likes and dislikes, and knowing how you get turned on will give way to greater self-love and confidence. You’re doing this to boost yourself, and it’s perfectly alright to listen to your heart and follow the pace it suggests, no matter how slow or fast.